Gundams on the High Seas
by The 41st Maguanac
Summary: Trouble's on the horizon as our poor soggy unibanged friend meets with a little problem in the Channel. Meanwhile, Duo has evil plans for Wufei involving Trowa's hair gel. Can Heero cheer Quatre up? Will Duo's plan succeed? Who the Hell is Mr. Cuddles?!
1. Wufei's Little Secret

Author's Note: Just a little bit more craziness from me. This fic stands alone, but I suggest you read 'The Pancake Episode' first to understand my madness! Read and review my lovelys!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Don't sue.  
  
Gundams On the High Seas  
By The 41st Magaunac AKA Muse of Arabia  
  
"Aah, get a breath of that fresh air! Doesn't it make you feel great to be alive?" Quatre leant over the bar on the pier, looking down into the blue water beneath him.  
  
"I can't believe your asking that question to someone who spends 97% of his waking hours considering his own death," replied Duo, referring to their suicidal companion, who merely glared at them and went back to his reading.  
  
"It is nice to get a little free time for once though," added Trowa, checking his watch. "The boat ought to be getting here pretty soon."  
  
"This is so exciting! I've never been on a real, repaired pirate ship before!" said Duo, hopping up to stand on the bench. "Hey! How about I come up with really cool pirate aliases for us!"  
  
There was a resounding 'no' from the 4 other Gundam pilots, but Duo was by now completely oblivious.  
  
"Uhh... Long John Yuy? Nah... Cabin Boy Heero? Hmm... nah. Ooh, I know! Long John Spandex!"  
  
There was a cool swish as the knife shot through the air, hacking a good inch off the end of Duo's braid, and planting itself in the wooden pier floor.  
  
"I should be quiet now?"  
  
***  
  
Heero Yuy already had a serious migraine by lunch time. The occupants of the ship were all putting on extremely bad and unconvincing pirate accents, and he swore that if he heard 'fopple of gear' from one more fake parrot, he was going to kill hims... (damn, already tried that) Someone else.  
  
Of course, it didn't help that Duo was getting really into this whole pirating charade. He had adopted the persona of 'One eyed Shinigami, the scourge of the seven seas', ever since a rather-too-friendly pirate had handed him a fake eye-patch. After an intensive course in 'How to speak pirate', a lecture from Quatre on why it is a bad idea to point guns at tour guides, and a long debate about why Swiss cheese has holes in (he blamed Duo for that one) he was just about ready to crack.  
  
"The last stop on our tour," said the (now very nervous) tour guide, "is the brig. This is where many a seafarer would be tortured to death, and sometimes left to rot during his time at sea. If supplies were particularly low, he would sometimes be eaten."  
  
"Are you all right with all of this, Quatre?" Trowa whispered to him. "I know you don't like cruelty."  
  
Quatre snapped a shot of a fake bloodied corpse with his Kodak camera, and turned back to Trowa. "Well actually, it's true that I disagree with cruelty to animals, but this kinda thing doesn't bother me too much. Cannibalism never really came into it. In fact, I recently set up a charity to help animals, wanna see a pin?"  
  
Trowa looked confused as Quatre flipped open his waist coat to reveal a large pin on the inside. It read:  
  
'Save a cow. Eat a vegetarian.'  
  
"... Very nice," replied Trowa, edging away thinking, 'Smile and nod, just smile and nod...'  
  
"Is this tour over now?" asked Heero, folding his arms. "I have better things to do with my time than wonder around leaky old ships and looking at fake corpses. I see enough of those on my own."  
  
"What does he mean?" asked the 'boson'.  
  
"He's just kidding around of course!" said Duo, trying to laugh, punching Heero on the shoulder. "You're such a kidder, eh buddy?"  
  
The next thing Duo saw was a fist, and then lots of little Deathscythes flying round and round his head. The last thing he heard was, "Don't punch me... and never call me 'buddy'.  
  
***  
  
Trowa, who was getting a little tired of all the insanity in the brig, had made his way on to the top deck. He leaned over the edge and looked down into the deep blue sea which surrounded the boat, and the little dolphins who were now in hot pursuit. It was a nice enough place to be, but you wouldn't wanna spend more than a few hours in the company of the other pilots... otherwise insanity would ensue. Always.  
  
He was just about to head to the stern of the boat when he caught sight of a white shape head past out of the corner of his eye.  
  
'Wufei? Now, I wonder where he's going...' thought Trowa, heading off in quiet pursuit.  
  
Whatever he was doing, Wufei was pretty careful about making sure he wasn't followed, as he kept glancing behind him every few metres. There were a couple of times Trowa feared Wufei would see his bangs sticking out as he hid behind the mast, but luckily he didn't notice.  
  
Finally, Trowa noticed that they had made their way to the prow of the ship. He leapt quietly across the gap, hiding behind a crate, and peeking over the top. Wufei went to stand at the very front of the boat, looking around him, and then over the side.  
  
'This is it? He was afraid of being followed to look at the dolphins?' thought Trowa, feeling markedly disappointed. He was about to walk off when he noticed Wufei climbing on to the railings, and spreading his arms. 'What the...?'  
  
Wufei checked behind himself one last time, and satisfied that he was completely alone, bellowed to the dolphins and the never ending horizon. "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!"  
  
Trowa's eyeballs widened and for a moment he didn't know quite what to do. He didn't want this moment to have ever happened. What he had witnessed was just too scary to contemplate. Wufei... Titanic... no, the very thought of it just made him feel nauseous.  
  
'Maybe if I close my eyes really tight and think of somewhere else, I'll be there and not here... let's think... Quatre's closet... NO! Umm... Quatre's bedroo- damn it!!'  
  
Trowa took this moment to look up from where he was hiding, and was most unfortunate to notice Wufei standing above him. After the whole pancake batter episode, this did not bode well.  
  
"What... are you doing?" asked Wufei in a very dangerous tone.  
  
Trowa quickly stood up, grabbing the thing nearest to his hand off the deck. "AAH! Here it is!! Oh! Hey Wufei!"  
  
"What were you doing, Barton?"  
  
"I was just looking for my..." Trowa looked down at the object in his hand, "... novelty cigarette lighter... in the shape of Benito Mussolini's head..." He shook his head. Of all the things to find on the deck of a ship. What the Hell was wrong with a damn fishing rod?  
  
"Barton, you don't even smoke, let alone support psychotic fascist dictators," replied Wufei, folding his arms across his chest, looking about ready to kill.  
  
"Yes, I know... filthy habit I picked up from... Uhh... Rashid. Yes. Anyway, gotta go! See ya later!" With these last few words, Trowa pocketed the lighter and sped off across the deck.  
  
"I've got my eye on you, Barton!" yelled Wufei. He turned back to the prow of the ship, a hint of a tear beginning to appear in his eye. "Oh... Jack! Why did you have to die?! WHY?"   
  
End of Part 1! 


	2. There's Something about Heero...

Author's Note: Just a little bit more craziness from me. This fic stands alone, but I suggest you read 'The Pancake Episode' first to understand my madness! Read and review my lovelys!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Don't sue.  
  
Gundams on the High Seas  
By The 41st Magaunac AKA Muse of Arabia  
  
Part 2  
  
"Finally, a bit of peace and quiet…" said Heero to himself as he escaped the depths of the boat to a do a little fishing. After all, when you spent every day chasing OZ agents around the solar system, you need a peaceful hobby…  
  
He put some bait on the end of the line and threw it in to the water below with an expert flick. He put his head in his arms, the rod hanging loosely in his hands, leaning against the railing, falling into a light doze.  
  
You would've thought he'd have known better really. Anyone who's anyone knows that it can be seriously damaging to one's health to leave yourself unguarded while Duo is on the loose. And if Shinigami is bored… well. God help you.  
  
Shinigami was VERY bored. He had discovered that seeing how many things he could say to gross out Quatre was just not as entertaining as irritating his favourite stoic victim. He climbed up the ladder leading from the lower decks, and began his thorough search. It didn't take long.  
  
Duo found Heero half asleep while standing, dangling his fishing rod over the side into the blue ocean beneath. A grin spread across his lips, and he rubbed his hands together with glee.  
  
"Time for some fun…"  
  
He glanced around for something appropriate to annoy Heero with, looking behind the nearby crates until he found the very thing he was looking for. He picked it up in both hands, grateful he wasn't squeamish, and began to creep across the deck. He had to be extremely quiet. Heero had been trained to pick up even the most minute of sounds, however, Duo had been taught to pilot the stealthiest of Gundams, and soon he was standing directly behind Heero.  
  
Slowly and gently, he reached down a finger, hooking it under the elastic of the top of Heero's famed spandex shorts, holding his weapon of torture in the other hand. He slowly inched it above the gap he had created…  
  
and…  
  
He released it, dropping it into Heero's shorts. Now came the time for an extremely fast getaway…   
  
Heero's eyes shot open, a look of intense confusion and discomfort appearing on his face, just as Duo leapt behind the nearest crate, and crouched there, his hands over his mouth.  
  
'What the…?!' thought Heero as he took a step backwards, and shifted his hips. There was something wet, squidgy and most importantly COLD in his shorts. He considered for a moment that there were more down sides to going commando than he had first anticipated.  
  
He could barely speak. His mouth made small, incoherent noises as he took wobbly steps across the deck. 'So… cold… so… cold… can't… breathe…'  
  
It was right around this moment that poor hapless Trowa came around from the other side of the deck, still glancing behind him, checking that Wufei wasn't following. He stared at Heero for a moment, who had gone extremely pale, and was walking as though he had a barge pole stuck up his backside.  
  
"Troo…" Heero managed to mumble, as he staggered over, gripping Trowa by the waist in an attempt not to fall over.  
  
"Heero, what on Earth are you doing?" asked Trowa, trying to peel Heero off him.  
  
"The pain… cold… so very cold…"  
  
"Heero, you're not making any sense!"  
  
Heero finally managed to find his voice above the cold and soggy feeling in his spandex, and yelled, "It's in my shorts!! Help me Trowa, there's something in my shorts!!!"  
  
Trowa blinked. "What?"  
  
"Aaaaaaah!!! It's so cold! What if it eats my manly bulge!" Heero gripped Trowa even harder. "Save meeeeee!"  
  
"There's something in your shorts? Like what, your butt??" said Trowa, looking very dubious.  
  
"It's ALIVE! I can feel it moving!! Oh the profanity!!" wailed Heero, "Please get it out, get it out, get it out!!"  
  
"All right, all right, just so long as you stop making those camp wrist movements!" Trowa yelled back, trying to help Heero stand up straight.  
  
"Thank you!" said Heero, gratefully, turning around. "Please hurry!!"  
  
"I really… don't want to do this."  
  
"Please hurry!"  
  
"What if someone sees?"  
  
"No one's here, just get ON with it!"  
  
Heero was SO wrong.  
  
Duo clapped both hands even tighter around his mouth. It was fortunate that Trowa and Heero were talking so loudly, or he might have already given himself away by now. He wished he had a camera on him.  
  
"All right, all right," said Trowa, plunging both hands into Heero's spandex shorts. No sooner had he done so, than…  
  
"TROWA! HOW COULD YOU?" Quatre had chosen this moment to emerge from the lower decks, and was now standing on the top deck, his bright blond hair blowing awry, and his normally pale complexion bright pink with anger. He looked like a giant liquorice all-sort.  
  
"Quatre! Wait! It's not what it looks like!" yelled Trowa, bringing both hands behind his back, and also going a little bit pink in the cheeks.  
  
"We are soooooooooo over!" yelled Quatre, running off across the deck, and back down the ladder again.  
  
Abandoning Heero in his time of need, Trowa ran after Quatre, yelling, "I can explain!!"  
  
Heero had practically collapsed by this point, along with the braided troublemaker behind the crate, who was finding it hard to breathe from laughing so hard.  
  
"Fine, if you won't help me, I guess I'll have to manage on my own!" Heero yelled after Trowa, cracking his knuckles, and taking a quick glance around him to check there was no one coming. Unfortunately, he missed the figure in white who was rapidly approaching.  
  
He pulled open his spandex with a thumb, putting one hand down there to have a feel around for whatever object it was that was causing so much discomfort. The figure in white came up behind, and pulled him around.  
  
"Yuy, have you seen Barton around her… KISAMA! What the Hell are you DOING???" yelled Wufei, shielding his eyes from the sight before him.  
  
"Umm…" Heero replied, bringing his hand out of his shorts, and trying to grab Wufei's arm with it. "I can explain this!"  
  
"Don't touch me!! That is disgusting! With THAT hand! Have some RESPECT! Have you no HONOUR?? On the middle of the deck, where anyone could… There is a time and a place for everything, Yuy!!"  
  
"This is NOT what it looks like!"  
  
"My arse it's not!" yelled Wufei, continuing to look extremely appalled. "Now I'm going to have to disinfect my entire body! If I could, I'd gouge out my eyes so I could leave them to clean in a pool of bleach for a week!!" With these final parting words, Wufei ran off across the deck and down into the galley, his hand over his mouth, making a B-line for the bathroom.  
  
Heero blinked, wondering if that last 10 minutes of his life had really happened. It was during this silent thought that Heero finally heard giggling from behind a nearby crate.  
  
'There is only ONE person who laughs like that…' thought Heero, as he approached the crate, and peered over the top into a pair of cobalt blue eyes which gazed back up at him like a rabbit caught in headlights.  
  
"Uhh… Hi Heero!" said Duo, trying to smile innocently.  
  
"Hello Duo," said Heero, reaching into his shorts to pull out his revolver. He pointed it at Duo. "Goodbye Duo."  
  
Duo stared at him for a moment before falling back into a torrent of giggles again. Heero blinked and looked down at the object in his hand.  
  
It was a fish. A wet, squidgy, and most importantly COLD fish. The same that had been residing in his shorts for the past 10 minutes.  
  
Heero glared at it, then dropped it on to the deck, and reached back into his spandex to pull forth his revolver. He clicked off the safety catch and pointed it at Duo's head. "Now where was I? Oh yes…"  
  
"Now, Heero…"  
  
"Omae…"  
  
"Let's not do anything too hasty…"  
  
"O…"  
  
"You wouldn't hurt your best friend, would you?"  
  
"KOROSU!!!"  
  
"It was only a little joke!" Duo shrieked like a girl and leapt out of the way, just as a bullet embedded itself next to where his head had been a moment earlier.  
  
The screams of fear echoed well into the evening.  
  
To be continued...  
  
End of Part 2! 


	3. Crossing Knives

Author's Note: Just a little bit more craziness from me. This fic stands alone, but I suggest you read 'The Pancake Episode' first to understand my madness! Read and review my lovelys!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Don't sue.  
  
Gundams On the High Seas  
By The 41st Magaunac AKA Muse of Arabia  
  
Part 3  
  
Dinner was a quiet affair. Quatre was still being icy with Trowa over the whole 'hands down Heero's pants' thing. Wufei had chosen the seat as far from Heero as possible, and kept getting up to wash his hands. Duo was surprisingly quiet, sitting next to Trowa, trying to keep from meeting Heero's gaze.  
  
The 'pirates' seemed on edge as well. Heero couldn't help but wonder if him chasing Duo around the ship, firing shots into anything that got in is way had anything to do with it. Still, he was feeling pretty pleased with himself. He had managed to 'accidentally' mutilate no less than 4 fake parrots, one treasure chest, and 3 wooden legs during his exercise. His joy had only been ended when he had discovered to his great irritation that he had run out of bullets to shoot Duo with. He had asked Trowa if he could borrow his gun, but Trowa had refused for some unfathomable reason.  
  
And so, things remained tense through dinner. Quatre was staring fixedly at a potato on his plate, as though willing it to spontaneously combust. Trowa got the nasty feeling that Quatre was imagining said potato to be his head, and gulped.  
  
Surprisingly, Trowa was the first one to speak. He turned to Quatre, and said, "Do you think you could pass the vegetables, please?"  
  
"Fine," replied Quatre shortly, picking up the plate of veg and plonking it in front of Trowa with a clatter on the hard wooden table. Several particularly rebellious Brussels sprouts rolled off the plate and on to the floor.  
  
"Jeez, Quatre, I said I was sorry!" complained Trowa, taking a spoonful of carrots and avoiding the rather overcooked sprouts.  
  
"I know." Quatre continued to stare at his potato.  
  
"I've spent all evening apologising, and nothing even happened between me and Heero!"  
  
Wufei's fork hit the plate, and he looked positively sick. "Yuy!" he shook his head in disbelief, starting to absentmindedly clean his hands with the napkin, "You're a flipping rabbit, that's what you are! Honestly, you'll hump ANYTHING!"  
  
"What's THAT supposed to mean?" retorted Trowa.  
  
Duo chose this moment to crawl beneath the table. When the crap hit the fan, he didn't want to be around to get splattered.  
  
"I think you KNOW what it means!"  
  
"Well, maybe I don't, so you'd better tell me! There's nothing wrong with me! This thing between Heero and I…"  
  
"Ah HA!" Quatre almost leapt up from the dinner table, "I told you something happened, and now you've admitted it! You've been cheating on me with Heero!"  
  
Trowa looked about ready to destroy the table by head butting it. His cheeks had gone bright red with frustration. "NOTHING HAPPENED!"  
  
"Can everyone please SHUT UP???" yelled Heero, "I've got a headache, and I want to eat my dinner in PEACE!"  
  
"Well that makes a change!" spat back Trowa.  
  
"What do you mean?" replied Heero, his eyes taking on their so frequently used glare of death.  
  
Wufei interrupted, "Just shut up Yuy! Whatever happened between you and Barton cannot have been as disgusting as what I witnessed this afternoon!"  
  
"Why, what happened?" asked Quatre, who was the only one at the table who was remotely calm.  
  
"He… with his… and… it was DISGUSTING!" yelled Wufei, sitting back down.  
  
Quatre looked at him questioningly, and he rolled his eyes, and whispered into Quatre's ear. Quatre turned to stare at Heero. "IN PUBLIC??" Wufei nodded his head. Quatre looked back at his potato, no longer feeling the urge to combust it, more the urge to be sick. "In public!" he repeated to himself.  
  
"Listen guys!" said Heero, let's just all be quiet and eat our food. We'll annoy each other a lot less that way."  
  
There was a small nod from the others at the table, and dinner continued for a moment peacefully, aside from the odd murmur from Quatre, "In public!" who continued to look horrified. Trowa looked at him, wondering what it was that was so disgusting, or more disgusting than him having to put his hands into… a very unpleasant place.  
  
Finally, Quatre turned to him, and whispered into Trowa's ear. Trowa looked unwell for a moment, before sighing heavily. "That's it? That's still not as bad as what I had to do."  
  
Wufei looked up at Trowa, and said coldly, "If you think you can better witnessing that, I suggest you try."  
  
"Fine," replied Trowa, dumping his cutlery down. "I had to put my hands… down… into… into…"  
  
"He stuck his hands down Heero's shorts!" said Quatre almost tearfully. "Right in front of me!"  
  
Wufei stared at them all for a moment, before saying, "Okay, you win…"  
  
"For God's sake!" yelled Heero is exasperation, "It's just my shorts! I change them everyday! There's nothing unsanitary down there!"  
  
"I DO NOT NEED A DESCRIPTION OF WHAT IS OR ISN'T IN YOUR UNDERWEAR YUY!!" yelled Wufei, covering his ears. "Neither do I care about Barton's interest in what is down there!"  
  
"Ah HA!" Quatre continued to look triumphant.  
  
"I do not have an interest in what is in Heero's underwear!" yelled Trowa angrily, "Besides, he doesn't WEAR any!"  
  
Wufei clapped another hand over his eyes, "Too much information!! My eyes! My ears! My mind is infected! I'll be scarred for life!"  
  
Heero glared at Quatre, who was now looking at him very strangely.  
  
"Well, you're a freak!" yelled Trowa, digging into his pocket to pull out the lighter he had picked up earlier, "I bet this even belongs to you! You were the only one around when I found it!"  
  
"Oh, I was wondering where that had got to…" said Quatre, taking the novelty lighter in the shape of Benito Mussolini's head from Trowa outstretched hand.  
  
Trowa promptly sweatdropped. "Uhh… Quatre? Where did you get that?"  
  
"It came free with my latest issue of 'Fascist Dictator Monthly'," Quatre replied, as though it were the most normal thing in the world.  
  
"Quatre, do you know what a fascist dictator DOES?"  
  
Quatre shrugged. "Vaguely. I know it has something to do with people." He smiled, and held out the lighter. "It's really cute though! If you press his chin, his tongue pops out!"  
  
Trowa blinked several times before he could take in this new information. "We'll talk later," was all he said.  
  
"My God!" commented Wufei, flinging his hands into the air in exasperation, "I'm surrounded by freaks and weirdoes!"  
  
"You're one to talk, Mr-I'm-the-king-of-the-world!" Trowa retorted to Wufei.  
  
Wufei leapt up from his seat. "NO! You did hear! Damn you!"  
  
"What is it, Chang, your favourite film?" said Trowa, laughing evilly, "I bet the end bit just has you sobbing! 'Boo hoo hoo!! Hold me Nataku!!'"  
  
"DIE!" yelled Wufei, pulling out his katana and leaping across the table, while Trowa tried to fend him off with the bread knife.  
  
After a long period of yelling, Heero commented, "How would you know it was sad at the end, Trowa?"  
  
The fight paused for a moment, and Trowa stared at the floor. "Uhh…"  
  
Wufei grinned triumphantly. "HAH! You've seen it too!"  
  
Trowa looked like he was about to cry, and pointed a finger accusingly at Quatre. "It was HIM! He made me! I didn't want to go! Oh the inhumanity!"  
  
Quatre leapt up from the dinner table, "You said you enjoyed it! You lied to me! You're always lying to me! You lied to me about 'Titanic', and you're lying to me about what you did with Heero!"  
  
"I am NOT lying! It was not my fault!" Trowa replied.  
  
"Well, don't look at ME!" thundered Wufei, sheathing his katana again.  
  
Everyone looked at Heero, who held up his hands, "You think I WANTED a fish in my shorts?"  
  
"Well…"  
  
Heero glared at Wufei, who fell silent. For a moment, there was no sound from any of them. They all became aware of a muffled laughing sound from under the table. Heero raised his finger to his lips, and in one smooth motion, flipped the table over, scattering food across the floor.  
  
The braided mischief-maker looked up at them through his dark blue eyes, grinning. "Hey guys! Want some bread? It's really good…"  
  
"Maxwell…"  
  
"I'm going to enjoy watching you suffer…" Trowa cracked his knuckles.  
  
"You're not a very nice person," stated Quatre. Okay, so it wasn't very strong, but this is Quatre we're talking about.  
  
"Now now, guys! It was just a little prank!"  
  
"I say we hang him up by his braid, and dangle him over the edge of the ship!" said Wufei savagely.  
  
"Eep!" squeaked Duo, disappearing in a cloud of dust, a Duo shaped hole appearing in the door.  
  
"Don't let him get away!"  
  
"Justice will be served!"  
  
"Omae o korosu!"  
  
And other such calls disappeared down the hallway. The pirate tour guides looked at each other in bewilderment and worry.  
  
"Tonight," stated the one with the fake eye patch. "I'm not staying one minute longer with these freaks."  
  
There was a nod, and the others went back to their eating to the melodious sounds of screams of anger, fear, and pain.  
  
To be continued...  
  
End of Part 3! 


	4. Survival of the Fittest

Author's Note: Just a little bit more craziness from me. This fic stands alone, but I suggest you read 'The Pancake Episode' first to understand my madness! Read and review my lovelies!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Don't sue.  
  
Gundams On the High Seas  
By The 41st Magaunac AKA Muse of Arabia  
  
Part 4  
  
The following morning came dull and cloudy. A heavy fog had descended over the ocean, and the air had a distinct frosty nip to it. This was particularly unfortunate for the hapless Duo Maxwell, who was still hanging upside down from the mast wearing only his boxers and a white t-shirt with 'Please hurt me' written on it in black biro.  
  
He was tired and cold, having spent most of the night running and hiding behind every available crate. Heero had tracked him down inevitably, and following a series of events which were too painful to remember, he had been strung up there by 'The Ropes of Justice' according to Wufei, and left to hang until morning.  
  
One thing he had noticed was the distinct lack of people. Not just his fellow Gundam pilots who had decided to sleep in anyway, but the lack of pirate tour guides. He had hoped that one of them would be up early to let him down, but so far not a soul had appeared, and he was beginning to feel rather concerned.  
  
He was supposed to be 'The Great Destroyer' and 'The God of Death', yet all the same, Trowa's knots had been painfully merciless.  
  
"Believe me, you learn a lot about knots when you live with someone who has trouble finding subjects to practise her knife throwing on…" Trowa had said with a shudder.  
  
So, he was pretty much stuck there, left to the mercy of the elements. Quite apparently, the elements were not on his side.  
  
***  
  
Heero Yuy woke in an uncharacteristically good mood, which is scary as this is Heero Yuy we're talking about. He hadn't had Duo keeping him awake until the wee small hours of the morning, and he was feeling pretty good about himself. Not only that, but in just a couple of short hours they would be docking in London, England, and he could get the Hell out of the ship before he went mental.  
  
Of course, this wasn't to last.  
  
Heero too had noticed the peculiar quiet which had descended over the ship. The galley was completely empty when he entered it to look for a pirate tour guide to make breakfast. With a worried glance, Heero set off for the Captain's room.  
  
It was empty.  
  
Heero Yuy doesn't panic. It wasn't in his job description, and it definitely wasn't part of mission. He put his rising blood pressure and slight perspiration down to stress. Because Heero Yuy doesn't panic. Nope. Not a bit.  
  
Right?  
  
Heero walked over to the controls and the wheel. The maps were missing from the table, as was the ship's compass and mapping equipment. Through the window ahead of him lay mile after mile of calm ocean, surrounded by an almost impenetrable mist.  
  
'I will not panic… I am trained to deal with stressful situations… I can cope… I can steer this ship into port… I am capable… I am Heero Yuy… I can deal with this…'  
  
"Heero, why are you sitting on the floor with your arms wrapped around yourself, rocking?" asked Quatre as he walked into the cabin, also in search of a pirate tour guide.  
  
Heero Yuy doesn't panic.  
  
"Heero, I hate to say this," said Trowa as he followed Quatre into the cabin, "But there's practically no food on board. Except for a couple of barrels, there's nothing left on the whole ship."  
  
Heero Yuy never panics.  
  
Wufei stuck his head through one of the side windows. "All the pirate guides are gone! I went to find one, and they're all gone, so are their possessions! So are the life boats!"  
  
Heero Yuy NEVER panics.  
  
"Do you know what I think, Heero."  
  
Heero Yuy does not know the meaning of 'denial'.  
  
Then he snapped. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIE!!!!" wailed Heero, grabbing hold of Quatre's leg and bawling for all he was worth.  
  
"I think…" said Trowa slowly, "This calls for a meeting in the stern."  
  
***  
  
"So there's no one left on board?" asked Duo, as the group gathered around a table in the depths of the boat. "Not one person?"  
  
"Not a soul," reported Wufei. "I've searched the ship from top to bottom, and there is absolutely no one on it. Not only that, but the lifeboats and practically the entire food supply is gone. Those lousy pirate…"  
  
"What, even the last of the Cadbury's Chocolate Flake Desserts?"  
  
"Yes Duo, even the…"  
  
"Even the last packet of caramel flavoured 'Snack-a-Jacks'?"  
  
"Yes, even…"  
  
"Even the…"  
  
"YES, Duo, everything! All the food is gone, Duo. Duo, all the food is gone! There is no food, get it? No food whatsoever. Nada, zero, zip, nothing!! OKAY?" Wufei yelled in great irritation.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Now, I think we need t-"  
  
"Even the…"  
  
"DIE!" Wufei pulled out his katana, but had his fist gripped by Heero.  
  
"That's enough Wufei. We need to start thinking about what we're supposed to be doing about this instead of stressing over it."  
  
"That's good coming from you," stated Trowa, who was still kind of annoyed about the incident from the day before, "The one who was lying on the floor crying his eyes out only 10 minutes ago."  
  
Heero glared at Trowa. "Thank you, Trowa. You don't need to make me look like a complete cowardly moron."  
  
"Shall I cancel the order to find your 'mommy' then?"  
  
"Right, that's it…"  
  
This time Wufei held Heero back. "That's enough you two. Heero was right, we need to think through this all calmly and rationally. I think we should make a plan. What does anyone suggest?"  
  
"Okay," said Quatre, the chief plan maker said, "How about Trowa and Duo go and look for food, seeing as they're about the only ones not tearing each other's eyes out right now. I'll try and radio for help. Wufei, you go with Heero, and try and navigate us towards land somewhere. How does that sound?"  
  
"All this from a guy who still thinks 'Barney' is an educational show?" Wufei muttered, half to himself. The others merely shrugged.  
  
"Let's do it."  
  
***  
  
"Man, I'm so hungry!" complained Duo, his stomach growling loudly, as if on cue. "I swear, if I don't get some food soon, I'm going to die?"  
  
Trowa had to admit, he was feeling pretty hungry himself. They had been searching the ship for well over an hour, and had come up with a half sucked Polo and a fluffy Wine Gum someone had left down the side of a chair. "We've got to keep looking," he said despondently. "The others are counting on us."  
  
"But I'm so huuuuungry!" Duo whined again, patting his aching stomach. "And it's so cold down here! Why is that?"  
  
"The lower part of the ship must be cold because it's so damp," stated Trowa, "I guess they must use this place as some kind of refrigerator or something."  
  
Without warning, Duo stopped and sniffed the air. "Wait just a sec… I'm sure I can smell something… Something… edible…" It was a most peculiar sight to see Duo get down on his knees and sniff the floor, but apparently, this was what he was doing. He crawled along on his hands and knees until he reached a tightly sealed barrel. He pointed at it.  
  
"Here. I smell food. Open the barrel!"  
  
Slightly dubious of this technique, Trowa walked over to the barrel and cracked it open. Inside, there was a lot of white, creamy stuff. He sniffed it. "Mayonnaise," he stated.  
  
Duo shook his head. "Economy mayonnaise, actually," he said. "They must have left it behind. They'd hardly need it for a short sea voyage, unless they wanted to make a salad sandwich."  
  
"Now we have to decide… who gets to keep it?"  
  
"Well, I found it!" said Duo quickly, "It was my talented nose that found the barrel, and therefore it should be mine!"  
  
"Yes, but I'm bigger than you, and stronger, and I need the energy."  
  
"I'm more energetic!"  
  
"I work in a circus!"  
  
"I have longer hair!"  
  
Trowa gripped one side of the barrel, pulling it over to him. "It's mine!"  
  
Duo gripped the other side, sneering back at Trowa. "It's mine!"  
  
"Mine!"  
  
"Mine!"  
  
"Let GO!"  
  
"YOU let go!"  
  
"No, YOU!!"  
  
"Fine!!" Duo released his side of the barrel, using underhand tactics that one could only learn as an orphan on the streets of colony L2. Trowa was coated in a tidal wave of slightly out-of-date and rapidly yellowing economy mayonnaise.  
  
"You ASSHOLE!" he yelled, pulling himself to his feet, mayonnaise beginning to collect around his feet.  
  
"You idiot! That was all the food we had!" Duo yelled back, "There may be nothing else on board, and now you're wearing our only food supply!"  
  
"Well, whose fault is THAT?"  
  
"Yours, for being a stubborn prat with stupid hair!"  
  
"Well, excuuuuse me, girly locks!"  
  
"There's only one solution! We'll have to eat OFF you!"  
  
"WHAT??!" expostulated Trowa, his eyes rapidly widening.  
  
There was no reasoning with Duo now. He was on stomach power, and right now the only thing he cared about was getting the food off Trowa, no matter what the method.  
  
"Come to me, my lunch…"  
  
"You're… you're crazy!"  
  
"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" wailed Duo, leaping over the room to catch Trowa, who made a mad dash sideways to dodge.  
  
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!" Trowa sprinted out of the room.   
  
Duo ran after him, already hot on his heels, laughing insanely all the time, while yelling, "Don't worry! I like fast food!"  
  
A few moments later, Quatre Raberba Winner walked into the room, carrying in his arms a small crate. "Hey guys! I found this stashed in one of the rooms! Someone left an entire loaf of bread and some bottles of water. There's enough here to… Oh. Where did they go?"  
  
To be continued...  
  
End of Part 4! 


	5. Man Overboard!

Author's Note: Just a little bit more craziness from me. This fic stands alone, but I suggest you read 'The Pancake Episode' first to understand my madness! Read and review my lovelies!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Don't sue.  
  
Gundams On the High Seas  
By The 41st Magaunac AKA Muse of Arabia  
  
Part 5  
  
Trowa Barton could not have been running faster if his underpants had mysteriously caught fire. The mayonnaise, which still coated him from head to toe, made it a lot more difficult than he had suspected, as he was continually skidding around corners.  
  
Duo already gave off the impression that he was a bit of a loony, but he was a lot more terrifying when hungry. Trowa would have spared a thought to the many helpless hamburgers that Duo had devoured over the years, if he had not been running for his life.  
  
"Duo!" he yelled behind him, "Can't we talk about this rationally??"  
  
"Come to poppa, my sweet little hor d'eurve!" sang Duo, "I did NOT order this dinner 'to go'!" He bounded over to where Trowa had stood moments before, pursuing his rapidly departing appetiser up the steps and on to the deck.  
  
"Somebody SAVE me!" wailed Trowa, as Duo chased him several times around the mast, slipping and sliding in the smears of white goo that Trowa left in his wake.  
  
Unable to stand the commotion for a moment longer, Heero stormed out of the cabin, pulling his gun out as he did so. "What the HECK is going on out here??"  
  
Unfortunately for Trowa, it was Duo who was closet to Heero, and the first to open his mouth. "Heero! Trowa's stolen the last of the food! We need to stop him for the sake of the mission!"  
  
Heero's eyes darkened momentarily, and he holstered his revolver again. "Mission: accepted." He took a split second to go over the situation in his head, waited for Trowa to run past, then shot off after him.  
  
Trowa was faster than he expected, not to mention slippery, and panicking like a lamb in a curry house. "You're all God damn crazy!" he yelled, as he sped towards the other end of the boat, Heero rapidly catching him up. He shot around the upper mast and then ran full pelt back towards the steps to the lower decks. Just as he reached it, Heero flung himself at Trowa's retreating back in a rugby tackle. They hit the floor, and skidded several metres before stopping midway between the cabin and the steps Trowa had been trying to reach.  
  
"I've got you now!" yelled Heero triumphantly, pinning an arm behind Trowa's back. No sooner were these words out of his mouth, than a pair of shoes was heard ascending the steps.  
  
It was Quatre.  
  
"Hey guys, I managed to find some- TROWA!!!!" Quatre dropped what he was carrying, his hands clapped over his mouth. "How COULD you??! In front of everyone, right here on the deck! I should have KNOWN!"  
  
"Quatre, wait!" Trowa tried to pull himself up, but Heero was still sitting on him. Quatre looked like he was about to explode, his hands held in tight fists at his sides.  
  
But the onslaught did not end here.  
  
"Heero, I'm afraid I can't find any of those… KISAMA!!!" Wufei had just emerged from the cabin, a pile of papers in his hands. If you consider the image that Wufei was witnessing, it's not surprising he reacted this way. Trowa and Heero were sprawled in the middle of the deck, Heero sitting on Trowa's lower back, one hand grasped tightly to keep him from moving. Not only this, but they were covered in SOMETHING which was white… and sticky.  
  
Wufei's mouth flapped incoherently as he tried to form the syllables to several Chinese curse words all at the same time. Quatre opened his mouth to say something else, but Trowa leapt up, sending Heero sprawling on the deck. "NOBODY say anything! I am covered in mayonnaise, okay? It was an ACCIDENT. I have been chased around the ship no less than THREE times, and I am tired, and hungry, and I smell like a DELI COUNTER!! Now, would everybody PLEASE…"  
  
Quatre twiddled his thumbs. "Trowa… it's not really THAT bad…" he said uncertainly, trying to keep from getting mayonnaise on his expensive shoes.  
  
"Not BAD??" Trowa expostulated, "I'm covered in more white crap than if a giant seagull with terminal diahorrea had to make an emergency pit-stop over my HEAD!!"  
  
"Trowa, that's just being stupid!"  
  
"STUPID?? You have the gall to call ME stupid?? Well, Mr. Raberba WEINER, if brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to power SANDROCK around the outside of a PENNY!"  
  
Quatre's eyes welled with tears, and his eyes went all big and kawaii. "Trowa! How can you SAY such a hurtful thing!"  
  
Trowa's eyes had taken on the glow only usually displayed by users of the Zero System. "Why?? You wanna know WHY little one? Because I CAN! All my life, I've had to be the silent one, the serious one, but God damn it, I can't TAKE it anymore! So help me God, I'll…"   
  
Trowa didn't reach the end of this sentence, due the intervention of a certain braided American troublemaker. Seeing his opportunity to finally get some food, Duo had climbed up the rigging. When his chance came by, he leapt off and grabbed one side of the mast, swinging it around to try and kick Trowa over. Of course, what he hadn't counted on was that the mast had not been roped properly. In a moment which was too fast for even Heero to contemplate, the mast swung around violently, whacking Trowa on the head and sending him flying overboard into the deep blue void below with a resounding Splop. Hey, this IS the English Channel we're talking about.  
  
"TROWA!" wailed Quatre as he ran to the side of the boat, looking down into the water below. "TROWA!! Come back! I haven't finished yelling at you yet!!"  
  
Duo fell off the mast and landed in a heap in the middle of the deck. Heero whipped his hand into his spandex and pulled out the first object he could find, pointing it at Duo. "Omae o korosu!"  
  
Duo stared at him for a moment, and Wufei walked up behind Heero and tapped him on the shoulder. "Uhh, Heero? That's a banana."  
  
Heero looked down at the yellow object in his hand, then tossed it to one side, reaching into his shorts again. "Omae o…"  
  
"Sunscreen, Heero."  
  
There was a clatter as the offending tube was thrown on to the deck.  
  
"Omae…"  
  
"Sunglasses."  
  
"Om…"  
  
"Copy of 'War and Peace', Heero."  
  
"Damn, I should really invest in a suitcase…" muttered Heero as he tossed the things to one side or the other. There then followed:  
  
1) Three pairs on underpants, with his name sewn in.  
2) A torch  
3) 'Stress management courses' - Book One: Taming the wild beast.  
4) One rubber ring, not inflated.  
5) One laptop.  
6) Two pairs of socks, no matching ones.  
7) One bazooka.  
8) Three hand grenades.  
9) A copy of Britney Spears' latest album.  
  
'How much does he KEEP in there?' thought Wufei to himself. 'No wonder he has such a manly bulge…'  
  
"I don't know how THAT got in there…" said Heero as he tossed the last of things away. Finally, his hand rested around the cold metal of his revolver and he pulled it out. "Omae o korosu!"  
  
However, to Duo, Heero was no longer the most deadly person on the deck, while observing the little show before him, he had neglected to notice the figure creeping up behind him, until he had wrapped his hands around Duo's neck.  
  
"You KILLED Trowa!! Now I will kill YOU!" yelled Quatre, wringing Duo's neck while attempting to knock his brains out on the floor.  
  
"Urk!" Bang "Quatre!" Bang "Urk, please!" Bang "Stop!" wailed Duo as Quatre continued to kick the crap out of him.  
  
"We don't have TIME to worry about Barton right now!" shouted Wufei, holding a tissue to his nose. This entire experience was stressing him out somewhat. "We're lost in the middle of the English Channel somewhere! We've been left onboard by a bunch of sick and sadistic weirdoes!"  
  
"How do you know they're sick and sadistic?" Heero asked, putting his gun away.  
  
"They ate all of the chocolate ice-cream out of the three flavoured Neapolitan cartons," replied Wufei.  
  
"My God, what monsters!" commented Quatre, before going back to beating Duo to a bloody pulp.  
  
"Come on, Maxwell," said Wufei, prising Quatre off him. "Come to the cabin with me, and we'll try and steer this thing. Heero, you take Quatre below deck and… drug him or something!"  
  
Duo rubbed his sore neck, and followed Wufei into the front cabin. Heero walked over to Quatre, who was sitting in the middle of the deck, snivelling.  
  
"Don't worry Quatre. You know as well as I do that Trowa'll be okay. If there were a nuclear holocaust, the only things LEFT would be cockroaches, and Trowa Barton." Heero paused, then added, "His hair at any rate."  
  
Quatre nodded his head sadly. "There was just… so much more I wanted to say. I just… hope he's in a better place."  
  
Heero put on a false smile, and helped Quatre to stand and walk down the steps, all the while thinking, 'This is the English Channel; oil, waste, and sewage dump of half the Northern Hemisphere. If that's a better place, I hate to think what his home life was like…'  
  
To be continued...  
  
End of Part 5! 


	6. A Little Mix-Up

Disclaimer: I don't own it, don't sue.  
  
Author's Note: Oh my God, I finally did it! This fic has been sitting around for way too long, and I finally wrote part 6! Yippee! However, for the next two weeks, this will be my last update. I am taking my AS exams, and my dad has officially banned me from the the computer. Why? Cause he's a bastard, but that's not the point. Please enjoy this part, and I'll be back soon!  
  
Gundams on the High Seas  
By The 41st Magaunac  
  
Part 6  
  
Trowa broke the surface with a gasp for air. He had been floundering around in the current for what felt like an eternity, and thanked his instructor silently for the training he'd had in holding his breath for extended periods.  
  
The mist was very thick and hung low over the sea. The ship from which he had fallen was nowhere no be seen, though he might have been mere metres from it and not even noticed.  
  
'Now what?' he thought to himself. He knew that there was a possible chance to be able to swim for the English coast, but that it was only done by athletic swimmers, and though he was fit, he wasn't exactly Olympic standard. What's more, he had no food, except for the congealed mayonnaise he still seemed to be wearing, and no water. He'd be damned (not to mention extremely sick) if he was going to drink anything that was in the English Channel.  
  
What's more, the water around reeked. Not just mildly, and not just of fish. The smell was so intense that he feared his nose was going to shut down or fall of his face in complaint.  
  
He continued to tread water while he considered his options, then finally decided that his best bet would be to pursue the trail the ship had dredged up as it went past. Hopefully, sooner or later they would get to port, or he could catch up.  
  
He took off in a leisurely breaststroke. It would have been a lot easier to swim if he wasn't still coated in disgusting yellowing gunge, but he knew that for now it couldn't be helped. He was just beginning to get into the pace when a large shadow passed over his head. Hoping that it was the ship come back to pick him up, he turned himself in the water, only to find himself looking up at a set of massive pearly white teeth.  
  
"Oh fu- glub," mistakenly, he opened his mouth to swear, and got a mouthful of channel water which immediately made him gag. He floundered desperately against the current pulling him into the giant jaws, but was dragged inevitably inside. The jaws snapped shut, and the massive water beast sank beneath the waves again, leaving the water calm and peaceful once again.  
  
***  
Heero was at a loss. He had never seen anyone look so entirely miserable and pathetic as Quatre did at that moment. In a way it was quite touching. Though he and Trowa had some horrific arguments sometimes, Heero knew that they cared about each other very much. Rather like him and Duo in fact.  
  
Aah, Duo. He'd better go and check that Wufei wasn't threatening to kill him or something; however, he didn't really want to leave Quatre on his own. Particularly not when there was anything sharp lying about.  
  
He rolled his eyes, thinking of the only sure thing he knew which would cheer Quatre up. He reached into his shorts, pulling out the soft, warm fuzzy thing he found down there, and walked over to Quatre, sitting down behind him, half behind a crate.  
  
"Hey Quatre?" he said softly.  
  
"Yeah?" Quatre sniffled.  
  
"There's someone here to see you…" Heero put his hand into the puppet (what did you think it was? Hentais!) "Hi Quatre!" he said, putting on a high squeaky voice. "Why so blue little buddy?"  
  
Quatre smiled a little and looked at the little puppet. It was shaped like a teddybear, and was wearing a little straw hat with a slightly bent daisy sticking out of it. "Oh, Mr. Cuddles, the most awful thing has happened!"  
  
Heero made the puppet scratch it's head and shrug. "What's that?"  
  
"Something terrible happened to Trowa! He was here one minute, and then the next Duo knocked him into the sea! Now he might be dead, or cold and wet and scared!"  
  
Heero rolled his eyes and continued his squeaky charade. "I'm sure he's safe and sound Quatre! And I know he loves you very much…" Ick, where was all this coming from? Heero scowled. He would have to remember to hurt Duo later for making him watch too much 'Sailor Moon'.  
  
"Oh Mr. Cuddles!" said Quatre, more tears coming to his eyes. "You always know just the right thing to say! But what should I do?"  
  
"What, you want more?" Heero suddenly realised he had used his own voice, and coughed. "Well, why don't you do something to honour his memory?" Heero said with a brainwave. "Sailors would often pray that their companions return safely from sea voyages."  
  
"That's a great idea!" said Quatre happily as he hopped up. "Thanks Mr. Cuddles! I'll do my best!"  
  
Heero heaved a sigh and tucked Mr. Cuddles back in his shorts, and stood up, walking over to Quatre.  
  
"Oh, hey Heero!" said Quatre. "I had a chat with Mr. Cuddles, and now everything is gonna be fine! He gave me such great advice; I'd wish you'd been here to see! I'm gonna go and do exactly what he said!" With a skip, Quatre ran out of the room and off towards his quarters.  
  
Heero blinked a couple of times. "That boy really needs therapy," he said, as he made his way towards the bridge.  
  
***  
"How many times must I say this, Maxwell!? No, you cannot have a go!"  
  
Duo hung off Wufei, who kept his hands firmly glued to the steering wheel. "But I wanna go! I'm good with this kind of thing!"  
  
"Oh yeah, what kind of experience do you have?"  
  
"Well… I can… I can…" Duo thought for a moment, "Whoop Heero's ass at 'Mario Kart'!"  
  
"Well, excuse me for not leaping in enthusiasm at the prospect of having someone who still finds the scientific names for ones genitals amusing," Duo smirked, confirming Wufei's conviction, "steering us through the English Channel. The answer is still no Maxwell. Go and find someone else to torture."  
  
"Aaw, but Wu-man, Heero isn't around right now!" whined Duo.  
  
Wufei rolled his eyes. "Very well. I have to go and fetch some of those papers I left in the stern. Can you steer this thing for 5 minutes while I'm gone? Or should I just get a seagull to do the steering for me? Same difference.  
  
Duo stuck his tongue out and saluted. "I can handle it," he said and grabbed the wheel before Wufei could protest. The Chinese pilot sighed and took his leave of the cabin.  
  
Duo smirked.  
  
"Calling me stupid, eh?" he said half to himself, "Very well, Wufei. We'll see how stupid I look when YOU'RE the one glued to the wheel. Literally." He pulled a small tube of Trowa's hair wax out of his pocket and grinned. "I knew this would come in handy when Trowa dropped it."  
  
He carefully squeezed the tube, pouring a steady trail around most of the outside of the wheel, leaving only a couple of gaps where he could put his hands. He couldn't help giggling to himself. "Wait til Wufei gets a load of this!"  
  
"A load of what?"  
  
Duo turned to notice Heero standing in the doorway. He heaved a little sigh of relief and quickly pocketed the tube. "Oh, it's just you, Heero," he said thankfully. "Just steering for a while. Wufei's getting some maps.  
  
Heero wrapped his arms around Duo's waist and planted a kiss on the back of his head. "I haven't seen much of you lately."  
  
"Well, no," agreed Duo, "You hung me up from the mast all night. It doesn't do a lot for ones sex drive you know."  
  
"Yeah, sorry about that," Heero kissed Duo's neck gently. "Forgive me?"  
  
"Hmm, we'll see," said Duo, who was still rather miffed. He would forgive Heero of course, but only after exacting some sweet, sweet revenge.  
  
"Oh Nataku help us," said Wufei grimly, "Get a room." He strolled back into the cabin. "I'll take the wheel now, Maxwell.  
  
Duo grinned and shrugged releasing the wheel. Heero cocked an eyebrow suspiciously. He had seen that smirk a hundred times before, and it always meant that something hideously embarrassing was about to happen to one or more of the pilots, and that the person behind it would always be Duo.  
  
Wufei took the wheel without further complaint, and looked out the window. "We can't be too far from land now," he said. "The maps say that England isn't too far away from our present position, if we've guess correctly. If we guessed wrong, we could be anywhere."  
  
"Well, according to this map, we wanna head to port from here," stated Heero, glancing at the papers. Wufei merely nodded and turned the wheel, going hand over hand, having no difficulty at all moving them. It wasn't even slightly sticky.  
  
Wufei glanced down at his hand. "Euw…" he said, "There's something slippery on the wheel. Duo, what on Earth have you been doing while I was gone?"  
  
Duo just stared at him dumbfounded.  
  
"No, actually, I just don't wanna know," said Wufei quickly. "Go and let out more of the sail, I think there's a strong wind picking up."  
  
Duo merely nodded and wandered out of the little cabin and on to the deck, Heero close behind him.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Heero asked him.  
  
"I don't get it!" said Duo, pulling the little tube back out of his pocket. "It was meant to work! Why didn't it work?"  
  
"What work?" asked the confused perfect soldier.  
  
Duo sighed, knowing that it would all come out eventually anyway. "I was planning to get Wufei's hands stuck to the wheel with Trowa's hair wax," he said, unscrewing the top, and putting a little on his finger. He sniffed it, then licked it. "But it didn't work!" He passed the tube to Heero. "Trowa once told me that he could use this as a substitute for Gundanium adhesive, so why didn't it work for me?"  
  
Heero looked curiously at the little tube, flipping it over and squinting slightly to read the tiny writing. Then he went a little pale.  
  
"Umm, Duo, I think I know why it didn't work," he said slowly.  
  
"Why?" asked Duo. "Come on, Heero tell me!"  
  
"Well ,the fact is that this isn't hair wax, Duo."  
  
"It's not?"  
  
"Well, no."  
  
Duo left a pause, then rolled his eyes. "So what is it then? Come on Heero, don't leave me in the dark!"  
  
"Umm… well… most people probably don't carry theirs around with them."  
  
"What? Lip salve?"  
  
"No Duo."  
  
"Bongella?"  
  
"No Duo."  
  
"Tomato puree?"  
  
"Umm, no Duo."  
  
"Well, what then Einstein? Seeing as you know everything, would you care to tell ME?" Duo folded his arms.  
  
"It's lube, Duo."  
  
Duo grinned. "Yeah, right Heero. What is it really?"  
  
Heero shook his head. "It's lube Duo," he smelt the little tube, "Cherry flavoured by the smell of it."  
  
Duo's entire body trembled. "You mean I just… in my mouth…?"  
  
"Yes. Sorry, Duo."  
  
"Excuse me. I'm afraid I'm going to have to do something very girly now," said Duo with an inane grin on his face, as his eyes rolled to the back of head and he passed out in the middle of the deck.  
  
Heero shook his head and glanced down at the tube again. "So that's where it went. I knew I should never have leant it to Trowa in the first place. Never lend lube to a man with a history of amnesia. Oi."  
  
***  
  
To Be Continued!  
R&R. 


End file.
